Toss a bunch of stars on the titular train and wait for the dramatic fireworks. With a cast that includes Judi Dench, Johnny Depp and Michelle Pfeiffer, you’d expect lots of scenery-chewing fun. And it does start with class and humor. But once the murder occurs, detective Hercule Poirot (played by Kenneth Branagh who also directed) drags things down with tedious cross examinations. Despite the dreary pacing and lack of any sparks from the underplayed cast, the scenery, art direction and cinematography are gorgeous. Still, it’s a literal and figurative train wreck thanks to the overstuffed gravitas that Branagh brings to the track.

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